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Fuck it

  • Dec. 19th, 2012 at 11:10 PM

I am sick and tired of being perceived as the bad guy. I express my admament desire to see you before Christmas because it's better than nothing. You know how I am during the winter months. You are aware of my condition, and how needy I get or my behavior starts to turn towards the poor direction. So, since I can't have the pleasure to see you becuase you always have something or your parents control your every move, I work myself ragid because it will prevent me from behaving badly in ALL aspects.

I talk about you all the time, but sometimes you seem imaginary to me like I'm making you up because you're never around. You don't get it. I'm 23, it shouldn't be a treat that my gf stayed over twice this week. Yes, we are only three days in with break but once school starts I will be busier than you. I'm not saying that I need to see you 24/7, because if I did I'd probably try to kill you (no lie). I don't think you understand that you should value the time you have with me now because I will refuse to sacrifice time to look for a job, or work on my thesis for you. You're not worth it. No one is. Work, thesis, job search, and internship. Those are my priorities now.

Don't get all heated up or sappy because I'm actually telling you how I feel. Telling you in the manner the way that I am is the only way you listen. When I ask nicely you don't think I'm serious. You think everything is a joke with me. You think you listen when I'm calm but you don't because you go RIGHT back to what I ask you not to do or to be conscious of.

Now I think I'm going to just stop telling you whats on my mind because everytime you do there is always waterworks. I'm always overreacting or I'm not being fair.

Welcome to life. When has it been fair to me?

Just fuck it all.


Lauren Elizabeth

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